2024: A post-mortem

"Take my hand, we're going all in together."

Song of the Moment - "Caribbean Blue" - Enya

So the world goes round and round
With all you ever knew
They say the sky high above
is Caribbean blue?

Hello,

Remember when Dick Clark helped us ring in the new year? All those wonderful times of staying up until Midnight and just enjoying some champagne, dances, and so much fun? Well... I do miss Dick Clark and it is time for a post-mortem of 2024... And it all begins at the Hoover House for the 3rd straight New Year Eve. I gave a farewell toast... and... just like that... the world went dark with 2025.

I feel like we just made it to 2024... Hell, it feels like we were just in 2023... Are my years going that quickly?

2024 saw me wearing off covid... Thank God it didn't carry into New Year's Eve.

2024 saw me keep myself in line with a new position because I left the federal government in a civilian capacity, only later to find out that these supervisors just can't take a minute to learn about me instead of tossing me to the curb or parents that just can't take a moment and listen to your side of the story.

2024 saw me take money from my retirement and did some traveling to try and cure my continuing depression which to be frank, really did not get cured. Taking a trip to Knoxville was just what the doctor ordered but we weathered a storm named Helene.

2024 saw me take care of everyone else issues instead of my own. Didn't anyone care what was going on with me?

2024 saw me get a dream job worth 6 figures after my prayers were answered for the right salary and career... Only to find out they won't give me the job on a technicality despite all the paperwork behind signed. There was no reason for that.

2024 saw me get a brand new car only to say: I should've just rejected it and kept going with my accord, I'm already having buyers remorse owing to the fact I didn't have a job and the car was only 2 months old at the time

2024 saw me do many paranormal investigations including closing a chapter on something that should've been closed awhile ago but now it's permanently closed. Lots of quality investigations including that of Hoover House, Ohio State Reformatory, Hill View Manor, Ebensburg Prison, Pennhurst. Meeting a lot of new paranormalists... some who've become great friends...

2024 saw me go to Indiana and Illinois where I would see my teacher in the state of Illinois. She even treated me to dinner. Well, I drove 700 miles total to see her!

2024 saw me start going back to St. Paul Lutheran-Catonsville, making amends with congregants, and catching them up on my life.

2024's song of the year? Enya's Caribbean Blue. Still the ever riveting classic of new age sounds and artistry. She's still amazing even into her sixties... I think the next album? Will probably be her last.

2024 saw me take in a movie in 4DX. Twisters was fun but probably won't ever do it again

--

Now 2025 begins with an attack in New Orleans and then Las Vegas. What in God's name is wrong with people today? Something really sinister is happening and I really can't point it out.

In 2025? I want to make peace with old classmates... continue to write a great book... and also to fix myself in the process... I just haven't had that opportunity.

--


I wish everyone a very amazing 2025, continue to pray, stay true to yourselves, may God bless, and further? Take care of yourselves and each other.

Continue your story in 2025... 

670 miles: The 48 hours of Indiana, The 3 hours of Illinois

(Music Selected - "All I Want" - Toad the Wet Sprocket)

Disclaimer: The entry you are about to read is true, the names are not changed to protect the innocent, much less those who remain guilty as charged for some unknown reason.

For starters, having to travel through 6 states in 2 days is actually a pretty nice little record. MD, PA, WV, OH, IN, and IL

To My Former St. Paul Classmates,

I've been in touch with our first grade teacher, Mrs. Robinson, for some time now and I had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go see her. I didn't realize how close she lived to Indianapolis. So on Wednesday, October 30th, we made plans to hang out as I saw that she only lived but 90 miles outside of where I was heading that weekend: Indianapolis, Indiana. We departed October 31st.

I wanted to give you guys an update on how she's doing because I went in person across the border in Illinois to go see her. Everything just came together.

On November 1st, I was in Indianapolis to take family to a Taylor Swift concert, and taking care of a mission of getting past all the Taylor Swift fans and so on... It was nice to be in Grand Wagoneer rental and hearing nothing but quiet and some time to think about what I am going to say to my old first grade teacher. I think we were just going to regale the past and look forward to what we are doing for the future.

As I went to the Vermilion Beer Company, a Potter-fest was going on, and they asked if I was a Harry Potter fan.

The answer is no, I am not at all a Harry Potter fan.

--

As I arrived, we gave each other a big hug and we were so happy to see each other. We sat there and just regaled former memories and had a lot of laughs about past students and what she's been up to and same goes for what I've been up to.

Well for starters, we all grew up of course. She knows I've been struggling with a few things in my life but that's all right, everyone will struggle or fail at something. But another thing is this: Failures that mount up, there will always be the one success that arguably makes you successful.

But we talked about her past students and what everyone's been up to... She's not on facebook too much.

We talked about my class and who's she's heard from and hasn't heard from. We had a lot of laughs.

--

This was my very first trip to the Land of Lincoln and I'll tell you, Danville, IL, despite the abandonment had tremendous community and a lot of people know Mrs. Robinson.

We went to dinner at the Deluxe Diner where she got in contact with my mom. Yeah, you know my mom, she'll talk your ear off, for as many of you know her.

--

So I created this entry because Mrs. Robinson has something to say to everyone:

Dear former students,

It was such fun and a nice surprise to reminisce with Joshua in Danville, Illinois. He filled me in on your adult lives. Forgive me if I think of you as first graders still. 😂 

Thank you for the privilege of being your teacher 31 years ago. Each one of you brought unique, interesting and bright insights to our classroom family. May God continue to bless your lives.

--

You see, Mrs. Robinson touched all of our lives in some way, shape or fashion. She had something great to say to everyone.

--

Anyway, we said our goodbyes and I'll tell you, probably one of the best 3 hours and biggest lifesaver I've ever encountered as 2024 has been an extremely tough year for me. I kind of also have to thank my niece for even getting the Taylor Swift tickets or this would not have been possible.

--

Simply put, this is the greatest 670 miles I've ever driven.

On your corner and in your corner of Altavue, Waveland, and Old Frederick

(Songs of the day: "No Son of Mine" - Genesis and "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" - Daft Punk)

Disclaimer: The story you're about to read is real, the names are not changed to protect anyone innocent, or those are still guilty as charged...

Hello,

Going into church on Sunday, I was looking forward to another service at St. Paul since I decided to go back for a little bit to test the waters myself to see how things were going. Well I'm happy to say that having my best friend Christina there and my old pre-school/pre-kindergarten teacher there, makes it all the more better.

It was time to get my Pre-S/Pre-K caught up on all the latest happenings with me. Christina sadly wasn't going to be there because her husband was working and child was sick. That was ok, I still had a chance to talk with members and just kind of take it easy.

One didn't even recognize me until after the service was over with until I explained who I was and that's when he picked it up.

--

Sitting there just talking with my Pre-S/Pre-K teacher, when I mentioned one person was on her fourth marriage, someone turned around and said: "I couldn't help but listening to your conversation."

Yeah... Daft Punk's beginning of the brazen bells started, the place went dark, and the whole place went silent. Ok, so, it was none other than my fourth grade teacher who I still haven't forgiven for travesties of the past like throwing out my math test, not understanding what autism was, and what her problem was with me. Yeah, I get the past is the past, but the throwing out of my math test? I know how to do maths. Yeah, still sticks to this day.

I said Hello, remember me?

She started to guess... Well, she guess my dad's name... but... she still wasn't catching on... I didn't even recognize her without her glasses, but it was the hat driving me nuts to look at... This isn't Russia, lady! 1996-1997 was the worst year of my damn life.

I finally told her... and she said: What are you doing here?

I said: Decided to take in a service with my best friend's mother.

Well, she decided to jump into a conversation... REALLY!? Come on...

I decided to be friendly, talk, take in the service, and just mind my own business... but that said: Joshua, after the service, you better just run because you know damn well she's going to want to talk. JUST RUN. Instead she brings up an embarrassing story about me... I'm like: Yeah... I loved to read!

--

So, the service was over, I grabbed my Capitals hoodie and floored it out, shook the Pastor's hand... and then waited until I saw my 3rd grade teacher because I did want to tell her about going to see Mrs. Robinson. I made it out and I saw her and said: Boy have I got something to show you! Guess who I got to go visit!

She said: Who and how!?

I said: There she is.

She couldn't believe it! Yep! How she wondered...

I explained everything from the 6:00pm to 3:30am ride to Indianapolis that got me so hyped and excited to taking my wife's family to the Taylor Swift concert. She could not believe her ears. Then came meeting the new principal because... hey, it's a new principal. We struck up a nice conversation and then she said: "We'd love for former students to come and chat with our current students!"

I said: Well, I'll put on a chicken.

--

Notwithstanding the obvious, yes, I don't have a lot of forgiveness for people who slighted me EVEN in the slightest. Could I bring myself to forgive? I don't think so. Closing in on the end of Advent, I am still not even the slightest or remotely encouraged to forgive and forget. 26 years later? You still haven't learned.

The Crime of the Century, State of New Jersey, and the Beach

"I'm not telling lies! YOU ARE TELLING LIES!" - Bruno Richard Hauptmann

Those words came from Bruno Richard Hauptmann during his crime of the century trial in 1935 New Jersey. As he was accused of the killing of the Lindbergh baby (Charles Lindbergh Jr.).

Whenever I arrive in New Jersey via either the Delaware Memorial Bridge or the Lewes-Cape May Ferry, that's immediately the first thing I think of: "The Crime of the Century." This case was a monstrosity from the beginning to end

1. This was definitely not a one-man operation. They even said there were 2 pairs of footprints.

2. The ladder did NOT have Hauptmann's fingerprints on it.

3. Charles Lindbergh's associates interfered with the investigation.

4. A lot of evidence was contaminated.

5. Hauptmann was given very poor counsel (he was given a man from the tabloid, "The Daily Mirror") and really wasn't allowed to mount much of a defense. From what I understand from some lawyers I know, this was outright illegal. 

6. During the interview process and in jail, he was beaten and savagely treated by police officers. Why not let him explain himself? He did his best I am sure... but...? Why do something like that?

7. He couldn't have written those letters. He was somewhat illiterate.

8. I believe the jury was tampered with bribes and heavy-handed tactics to get them to vote guilty.

9. Governor Hoffman tried everything to get the case reopened but David Wilentz said it was a politically unpopular move because everyone would turn against him in the next election. Hoffman knew he was not guilty but right then and there, he should've said to Wilentz and Schwarzkopf: "You're both fired. Now beat it."

10. The country was in the midst of the Great Depression at the time. People saw $25,000 ($608,000 today) as a ton of money. Police were coercing so-called "witnesses" because there was a hell of a lot of money at stake.

Hoffman himself urged members of the state government to go visit him. They should've.

--

When I drive on U.S. Route 40 or take the 109/GSP after the ferry to the beach, it's always the first thing that comes to mind because it was such a harrowing trial that ended in Hauptmann's execution. 10 years I've been coming here. 10 years. If you could the first time, then it would be 11, but I still make it 10.

He said through an interpreter: "I am absolutely innocent of the crimes for which I was burdened with." He was very fervent in his Lutheran beliefs. Yeah, he did have some run-ins in Germany but that was when Germany was still reeling from WWI. People resorted to crime and theft to get what they wanted.

To this day, I still believe that it was never a one-person job and that Hauptmann was set up and framed. He was executed mostly because of the growing Anti-German sentiment due to the impending World War that was coming due to Adolf Hitler's rise to power. I also believe that it was a 2 person job and the fact that this fingerprints were NOT on the ladder. It was proven by Erastus Mead Hudson, the silver nitrate process, and Schwarzkopf refused to let it be known that they weren't on the ladder.

--

Ocean City sits 114 miles from Flemington, New Jersey where the Crime of the Century trial was held. The reason why I think about it is how New Jersey heavy-handedly put this man through so much hell despite the lack of evidence and inefficient counsel that Hauptmann received.

Honestly New Jersey? Why did you lie to America? You did the man wrong.

--

We arrived at the beach and it was time to unload. 50 minutes later? Unloading done. What next? Well, you do whatever it is you do on vacation. Read, take naps, write, go to the beach, go on walks...

For me: It's the walks and time to spend on my own just having conversations with myself knowing that things are abnormal right now and I don't have answers.

The walks along the boardwalk and on the Island are times where I can have a nice conversation and thoughtworthy time with myself. I think about how life is going and what's next.

A lot can be said about the power of positive thinking and you know the what could of been.

I have questions and personally, there's no answer to everything in the universe. God knows all.

--

When I look at the Hauptmann case, I say: Ok. Well... It is still a huge mystery. But all the evidence is there that he didn't do it.

One of my closest friends is from New Jersey. I have no problems with the state except what they did to this man and the fact they still don't have self-service gas (Come on, get with the program!)

--

Now many are you are probably saying: Well Joshua is just rambling again. No... this is creativity speaking... The creativity that comes from thoughts... the scribbles in my head that say, "hey why don't you type something up... you haven't done that in a while... thoughts and creativity right?"

I say to my brain, "yep, you're right. So let's talk."

--

Those senses of thought are what I took with me on my walks down or up the streets of Ocean City, New Jersey. Personally, I like having the conversations by myself. Yeah, others may think it's goofy but you're thinking out loud.

I think about what I've accomplished in 2024 that has personally been meaningless. There's no acceptance anymore. There's no nothing. It's just me with my thoughts and words and my laptop and that's about it. There's just zero acceptance.

I can't fix or build things...

I can't fix a car...

I can't draw...

I'm not innovative...

I can't paint... (why I went to Michael's before vacation to look for an easel and paints still bothers me)

I don't even know how to change the oil in my car...

It took until 3rd grade to tie my own shoe...

You just can't argue with people because they think they are always right.

The jokes? Write themselves.

I take these walks to make sure that I get every bit of negativity out but knowing full and well that things were "abnormal"? It wasn't accomplished.

--

Now, I'm back home again... sitting here pondering day to day, what's next, and how to face forward. They say were all in a quest for knowledge... No I'm just on a quest to just keep my head down I guess.

Maybe I should just keep my head down...

The Visions at 4343 and 3004, Christmases of the Past, and The Abyss

"Memories are a vision. You keep that vision, you remember that vision, and as long as you remember it, it will stay with you for life." - Mike Richards

Hello,

Have you ever had a vision of the years past? I always see the visions of my times at my old homes and also Christmases of the past. 

Eldone Road was the first home I remember. I can still remember going downstairs into the basement to go play with toys or the Nintendo on the sony trinitron television. My brother hogged the television a lot with his game play.

Before my mom was primary enrichment director for the mornings, I always remembered her watching the afternoon news and Young and the Restless. I will never forget the day in 1991 when she got freaked out over what happened to Jack Abbot going through the trash compactor with his bloodied hand sticking out and she immediately called her mother about it.

I followed my mom around because she was freaking out about the ending. It was actually quite funny to be honest with you.

It was always fun to alternate days for pre-school and pre-kindergarten back in the day. My mom having on 98Rock or a CD playing in the CD player in the Vista (WBH 257) or the Oldsmobile (WSZ 001) that had the strangest dashboard. It was an interesting time nonetheless.

I mostly remember the times when we spent time with our neighbors' kids and also friends across the street from us. I remember going to my friend's house across the way and I remember the smell: Buttermilk. That's exactly what it smelled like. He did have some interesting toys nonetheless and odd friends.

--

In 1991, I remember we were all eating calzones, and we wanted to go to our grandmother's pool... dad and mom agreed and we did just that...

I remember the water balloons we dropped from the deck on those hot summer days... 1990 and 1991 were warm, not really hot years.

The sights of the night sky...

The playground that my parents would never let me, sister, or brother go to because she had a fear that'd we fall and hurt ourselves...

That red... gummy like insect... on the ground... whatever it was...

The alleyway you could traverse down and nobody would really bother you.

--

Then came the day we moved... our last day in the house was cereal on a box... we said our final good byes... it turned into a big party to be honest... never a time when there wasn't people around for a bit...

The day we built the deck..

The day we met the neighbors...

It was like yesterday...

--

Do you people SEE where I am getting at?

--

Christmases were always fun whether it was at our house.... or at my grandmother's... or stopping by everyone's house and saying hello.

--

I remember the 7:30pm and 10:00pm Christmas Eve services that were had at St. Paul. Always fun.

After the 7:30pm service, there'd always be a nice little party with drinks, desserts, cookies, whatever your little heart desired.

At 10:00pm, it was always the ultimate candlelight service and always a time to listen to a rare humorous sermon from Pastor Morthole or Schafer. I won't forget the year that Pastor Schafer said: "Jesus, Mary, Joseph had the best lodgings and it wasn't even a Marriott!" Everyone laughed for a good 15-20 seconds.

At the end of night, it was time to light the candles and sing "Silent Night."

By the end of the service, we were spent, we went home, and it was time to go to bed.

With Christmas quietly approaching for the year 2022 and slowly but surely we are getting back to normal and that's one thing I can be really happy about.

--

How do I still have these visions? I don't get it. It is just a thing or total recall? How do I still see these things that happened in the past? I'm still trying to figure that all out. It's pretty valuable to say the least and my mom always says: "HOW DO YOU REMEMBER THESE THINGS!?"

--

Well here's something else I remember...

The first time my Uncle Jeff played Enya for my mother, it was 1993... I remember us watching the Enya music video tape... he wouldn't go any further than Caribbean Blue.

I also remember my dad, pop pop, and uncle watched this movie called, "The Abyss" and I always asked about it but my dad said that... it was a bit too scary for me and my siblings... My brother actually watched it once I believe.. not sure though.

I've been looking for this movie for quite sometime and I thought it was on Tubi at one point... apparently not...

I checked Netflix... Not there.

I think 29 years of waiting to watch this movie isn't an awful long wait. I remember the opening but Dad sent me out because he didn't think it was a good movie for me to watch. Yeah, them good ol' days of being young...

Metroid Dread actually took cues from the movie to develop the music for the area of Burenia (the water zone of the game).

--

I know this is a strange blog but... I think this is how I developed the total recall process that I have. The visions just come back... as long as you possess that gift, you will never forget anything for as long as you live.

The Selbyville Serenade: Our toast to Katelynne, Joe, and the weekend that was

"And as my son Matty would say? Let's have a party." - George Banks

(The scene: A white room with a chair... and seated is Joshua... your narrator)

There is no set definition for love. Love has so many meanings. 

As I sit here knowing that the party's over, I had a smile on my face knowing that it was well worth the wait. Katelynne and Joe finally tied the knot in Selbyville, Delaware. A magical evening full of fun, jokes, tears, laughs, dancing, smiles, and most importantly, we were all there to celebrate the happy couple. But the weekend was pretty full starting from the Thursday Night Rehearsal which was pretty fun stuff to leaving on Saturday and going to Ocean City for a visit and then a burger and milkshake later on at the cookout in Salisbury.

--

What can I say about Katelynne?

First time I met Katelynne, I saw a pretty glamorous lady... she looks like she should be on the cover of Vogue magazine because she has great fashion sense.

I've always liked Katelynne ever since I met her back in 2013 (I was 26 then). She raised a few doubts about me initially but I said: Your friend will be well taken care of, I promise you. I won her over with some laughs. 

I have Katelynne as a right-handed pitcher (she hits 100mph on the radar gun and a serious 12/6 curve) in Super Mega Baseball 3. I tried to make the character look like her and somehow, I succeeded. I gave her the number 50 because personally, that's what number I'd picture her donning if she had played a sport.

Initially, she did raise a few doubts to Joanna about me, but I won her heart over showing that I could be a good man and eventually a good future husband. Katelynne is very even-tempered (I've only seen her mad... maybe once?), has smarts, beauty, and Hollywood good-looks. Katelynne has a swell taste for design too.

However she also learned that she is the only girl I know who can uproot the mighty sequoia in a few seconds when she's enraged for some odd reason. I don't think I've ever made her upset thankfully. My favorite catchphrase from her is: "Uhhhhhh....." whenever someone says something completely stupid.

Katelynne's a strong woman, model citizen, caring person, and upstanding in her beliefs. Her caring goes above and beyond the call.

Perfect example: 2017 was a bad year when I lost a lot of family. Katelynne always gave me good thoughts and kept me cheered up during that horrifying time in my life. She did the same for Jo when Jo lost family too like Nansy and Uncle Jimmy.

Katelynne also helped out with Blake when he was just a young tot running around "The Sunset" restaurant during the Leuschner-Frazier Rehearsal Dinner. Right then and there, I saw the foreshadowing of a brilliant mother when the time would come and it did come. Hence Finn.

Of course she made friends with my parents real fast. But who doesn't like my mom and dad, come on now... 

Katelynne reminds me of three great women. Marilyn Monroe because of good looks and her love of style. Audrey Hepburn because of her bright smile that lights up even the darkest of rooms and in the darkest of times. Finally, Geena Davis, she's a tough ol' gal (Dottie Hinson-like).

--

Joe, on other hand, him and I talked up a storm about politics but on the same token, we also bonded over a few things like sports and stuff. We caught on pretty quickly about our likes and dislikes.

At the bachelor party, the initial thought that I wasn't going to be able to go but I jumped right back in after I came into some good luck. Joe said I was crazy for driving a car to Tennessee but I reiterated to him: Flying's out, America's waiting, you got to get behind a wheel.

Initially Joe thought I didn't have a good time at the bachelor party but at least Katelynne explained to him that I'm not the party animal type and that she was sure that his friends enjoyed having me around as much as I liked talking to them. Joe thought I didn't have a good time but I did, I really did have a good time. Just wanted to see places. I'm incredibly quiet and not a big socializing sort.

Joe is the combination of 3 people. General Douglas MacArthur, a brilliant and tactful leader. Tim Allen for his funny and handyman side (yes, Tim Allen, despite him being clumsy and accident-prone on Home Improvement, he is actually quite the handyman in real life). Finally, James Avery (Philip Banks) for that tough as nails interior but a fiercely devoted family man.

--

Beforehand, during the rehearsal, Aunt Rita and I were paling around and doing some "Color Commentating" during the rehearsal which I thought was pretty funny.

The rehearsal dinner saw me meeting the bridesmaids for the first time and I thanked them for helping where they could with the bachelorette party and giving Joanna a good time too. Putting max emphasis on Katelynne was paramount and they succeeded.

It was opening night for the Capitals too. Rats, Washington lost...

The next day, I delivered Jo to the bridal suite, said hello to Katelynne, told them to have fun today, and I walked out to... go somewhere...

I went to a historic place called "Doyle's Dinner" for breakfast. Now, talk about your good food! For $20, I got myself some chipped beef and scrapple. Now these weren't small rectangles of scrapple! THIS WAS BIG THICK SCRAPPLE! It's a Maryland thing ya'll. As I finished breakfast, what was I going to do with myself?

I decided to go to Ocean City and just hang out for a bit. The corvette convention was in town so naturally by distinction I had my corvette hat on. It was my first time on Route 90 in nearly 10 years.

I really didn't want to walk up the boardwalk or anything, just go to a few stores you know. I'd save the boardwalk for Saturday if we really wanted to go there.

I came home, took a nap, recharged until 3:00, and then it was time to prepare for the task at hand... well... there was just one problem... my suit jacket didn't feel right but there wasn't time for a fix.

Others arrived at the house for changing and so on and I had to be the last one out to lock up. At 4:40, we were all out and we made our way to the ceremony.

As I arrived at the wedding on the beach, Charles told me to go to the back because Joanna wanted something. She didn't. I immediately saw Katelynne and said in my head: "WOW!!!!!!!" and I personally wanted to cry myself because she looked amazing. I had my aviators on so they couldn't see I was somewhat in tears. She was seated on a stool looking like she was giving orders. Colonel Lowensen, I presume?

Christine even said I looked dapper even though the tux jacket wasn't fitting properly. Jo was happy to see me but I knew she was busy.

I took my seat next to my in-laws saying to myself: "Perfect position." I also had to keep the sunlight out on my mother-in-law's face, so I said: "I'll be that solar eclipse."

--

The ceremony was rather quick but the sun was shining brightly and the temperature perfect.

Katelynne and Joe's vows were the highlight. They did terrific. You couldn't help but smile.

--

At the cocktail hour. I pretty much minded my own P's and Q's until the bridal party showed up. Which took a bit. But again, I was putting down Arnold Palmers... I talked with a few folks. 

I remembered that I was not drinking that evening and kept Rule 20 in place throughout. Jo said I could have one but I said: "The rule is: If I am driving? I am not drinking."

I think overall, the most touching image of the evening...? Well, there's so many. But the speech from Charles and Christine warmed everyone's hearts to maximum.

Charles and Christine are like Charles and Caroline Wilder of Little House on the Prairie. Hardworking, devoted individuals. They had to have a run of the mill, wing it speech, and they did a great job. There wasn't a dry eye after they got finished. Katelynne was having a very hard time keeping her composure and Joe too. Joe was getting weepy-eyed too. Which meant to me: They did a good speech and reminded everyone: Hey, if you are here tonight celebrating... Let me assure you this, you are family in some way, shape, or form.

Katelynne and Joe could not hold it together during the parents' speech. Katelynne, I feared was going cry all of her make up off because it was such a touching speech.

I'm going to dub that speech: "The Union of Family." - I really should've recorded it.

The food was supremely well done and I was amazingly impressed how it all turned out. Salad was fine, just could've used a bit more dressing.

Joe and Katelynne having their first dance together. The blur is Shawn. How'd he get in there?

Katelynne could hardly hold it together with dancing with her dad. I did assure this to Charles: This wasn't good-bye and thanks for everything. It was just a new chapter in his daughter's life. Strong fathers help to make strong women.

Remember Joe, you are still mama's kid and she will always need you. You picked a great song because I know that song from the movie, "Soul Food"

Jo did an amazing speech talking about the good times and highlighting the very best. From admitting to her own dad about the handles of liquor he was carrying up to the days they dyed their hair tomato red... I liked what she wrote. Very befitting.

--

This was the part that got me the most though. The hug. That hug symbolized truly what a real friendship is all about. I just about wanted to walk out of the place and cry because that right there showed Joanna that she will always be the integral piece to Katelynne's life. You're number one and always will be number one. That showed. It did. It showed.

I did impart one thing to her during the reception: Always date your husband like it is your first date.

--

See, I think I made a friend. That's a great picture, right? She's one of the bridesmaids.

All in all, you couldn't have asked the Lord Almighty for better weather, the sunset finish of the wedding, and kicking out them upset homecoming kids who were like "Who the hell has a wedding on a Friday...?"

Easy, a lot of engaged couples do.

I couldn't contain my laughter when we managed to do that.

Personally, I thanked God for bringing Katelynne and Joe together.

--

During that weekend, here's what I can honestly say:

1. Personally, it was probably one of the best weddings I've ever attended in my life. It was a small group, and it was an enjoyable and memorable experience.

2. I told Katelynne that she can think of herself as a piece of my family now too as another sister is nice to have.

3. Now I'm truly not the party animal type. When I am at a wedding I am there to have a good time and not act like a weirdo. I'm just your every day, run-of-the-mill goofball. Evidenced by one picture that will show when the professional pictures come out.

4. Katelynne knows that I will never call her father Chuck or will I ever call him dad (I don't think I earned that distinction). I'll tell you why: Charles was my late grandfather's name and it's the name of royalty. I've always liked the name Charles. I actually teared up hugging him after the wedding, he said: "You're a good son, I hope you know that." I'm not your son but sometimes I feel like it with how much you and the Fraziers came together. Katelynne did warn me: You marry Joanna, you marry into my family too.

5. I think the highlight of my night was while I know I was there to have fun? I certainly did. I had a lot of fun and I actually talked with people even though I usually stay quiet and mind my own. I also got to say that it did take some iron will to be a gentleman and ask one of the bridesmaids (Angel) if she wanted to dance with me. Well the gentlemanly charm that no other woman saw for the longest time (minus Jo), it worked this time. It was nice to have a slow dance with Angel. She's good people.

6. I hate tux bibs. Full stop.

7. Ocean City is better when it is the offseason. The freaks stay away.

8. Cook Out burgers are the best and worth the wait. $20 will get you 2 cookout trays! Glad we stopped there for food! :)

9. Saturday in OC was a smash hit. Hadn't been to Thrasher's in years but yes, they still have good French Fries. Malt vinegar and Salt. Also going to the arcades and just having a nice leisurely walk with Joanna. The weather was excellent and it was great fun too.

10. We got to see Katelynne before she left for her honeymoon because she forgot her jacket and face wash. Hope they had a lot of fun on their honeymoon.

11. Writing something like this or anything for that matter is very difficult because you never know the reaction you will get. 

12. I'm trying to get Finn to like the Yoshi voice but he always cries when he hears it. Yoshies are fun and love fruit!

--

Well folks... I wrote this because you know what, Katelynne's truly one of the greats in my inner circle of friends with Courtney, Tara, Crystal, and others. Katelynne holds the distinction of being one of my personal favorites to make a short story out of.

--

Joe and Katelynne,

I wish I could take a step up and do one better than Jo when it came to her speech but I can't top what she did. I'm always here for you both if you need something. You're both good friends and I hope you both know that. 

Katelynne, I'm glad I was able to impress you and show you that I'm a good husband to your best friend. Joanna wants you to be happy and so do I. 

Joe, I want you to know that Katelynne is the perfect woman for you. Someone who loves you for you. You work very hard and you are a great father to your son.

Always love, date, and cherish one another.

- Joshua

A Drive for the Ages: 750 miles to Nashville.

Disclaimer: The entry you are about to read is true... the names have not been changed to protect those who are innocent or guilty as charged. What you are about to read is a testament to American Interstate System, the traffic she holds, and the speeds that are allowed.

When someone gives you the keys to a 2020 55-year edition Ford Mustang GT convertible rental... you don't ask questions... You just get in the driver's seat and drive...

As I've learned, I've taken some adventures to places but not like this. This was an adventure into the unknown as I've never traveled THIS FAR in a car before.

I decided to drive over fly because I am not very trusting of the airlines right now and personally, seeing America and her doings comes best from the ground. Personally... having a car gave me an advantage over the bachelor party that I was going to.

--

It was 12:15am, September 8th, where I decided to just get up and get out of town. My bag was packed and I loaded that along with my extra pair of shoes in the car.

As I turned on the car, I knew that I was in for a long and arduous drive of over 700 miles, showing that I wouldn't get there until nearly 11:00am.

Everyone called me crazy for going in a car over a plane but it made more sense because I would prove that driving a car would be somewhat cheaper than that of flying.

--

I was hopeful for an easy drive and not having to deal with too much in terms of the traffic which was true to form for the most part. I was on 340 west going through the top of the Virginia's head and I reached West Virginia

70 through 340 was very quiet and unassuming through West Virginia.

I was making record time until I made it to I-81 past the Berryville Pike in Virginia. It was 1:53am and I had to at least make a stop for a snack or a drink and maybe a quick fill-up.

However, the Sheetz on Berryville Pike had just unleaded regular. It was now 2:00am.

As I continued my drive through, it was time to deal with the long stretch after VA Route 7. The car was performing magnificently and doing very well on gas and I kept tabs on my "miles to until empty" rather than the speedometer for which I typically like to do.

Numbers you know... Numbers... Love numbers.

As I finished with VA-7 and got on Interstate 81, I heard my google said: Stay on Interstate 81 for 321 miles.

I said: Wow... Usually it would say over 100 miles.

I drove for another 92 minutes and 104 miles and made my first stop at the Pilot Travel Center in Staunton for which I needed to go to the bathroom but probably get some nourishment as well. I'm not a big fan of the Pilot Travel Centers as their gas pumps are extremely slow. It took a bit to fill up. I didn't get anything to snack on and I said: "ONWARD"

3:38am, it was time to get back on the road. My distance to empty read a mind-boggling 542 miles as I charged up and ready to go as I began the longest uninterrupted part of the drive.

It was now 4:38am and a sudden rainstorm came through. I was stuck behind a FedEx truck during this rainstorm in a construction zone where the speed limit dipped to 60. I was typically running a few mph (2 to 3) below the speed limit... At this point, I dropped well below minimums, a police car gesticulated for me to pick up the pace but it was raining heavily and I could not get the car into "wet mode" fast enough.

6:47am, I arrived in Tennessee and I'd been on the go for the last 3 hours. I made it to the welcome center with a lot of time left to spare. I needed a restroom and with how cool it was... it wasn't appropriate to put the top down just yet. I left there at 6:53am after getting a picture of Dolly Parton stand-up and the AmVets of Tennessee

After I was done my bathroom break, Tennessee smelled of the Great Smokies and country living... seeing the highways going through the cuts of the mountains... It warranted just taking it all in and enjoying the sceneries around me.

As the morning went on, I noticed an advertisement for the Buc-ee's. I've been hearing so much about Buc-ee's. I really wanted to see what the commotion was all about.

And sure enough, it was bigger than I imagined! It was huge! It had EVERYTHING!!!!

While this was a picture of it coming home from Tennessee. It is still massive!

I grabbed myself a bacon beast breakfast burrito (say that 5 times fast) and then an energy drink. It was 8:32am and I still had a pretty good chunk of time to kill since we couldn't get into the house until a certain time.

I felt the air and I think it was time to put the top down in the car for which I did but... stupidly... I forgot to put on my Orioles hat for the first run with the top down.

I threw on some music and headed out. This was my first ever time driving a convertible with the top down and I got to say: Probably more thrilling than I thought it was going to be.

--

Well the rest they say is history. It was a wonderful experience being in a car that I have never ever driven before. Life? It's short. Make it spectacular.

Here's my life as I learned, remember, know, and continue it.

"Everyone wonders where creative people get their inspiration from. I found out... it's all around you."

- Roseanne Barr

Many people ask me where my creativity comes from... well I am still trying to figure that out myself. I think it all comes from my mother. Each of us has creativity traits derived from parents or siblings. I decided to write something about where my creativity comes from and tell you everything that I know and remember.

Creativity comes in many forms... independent thought... the people you are with... paint thrown on a canvas for no reason... food you prepare... just looking at someone... walking out the door... smelling the air... siblings who just want to get you in trouble for every nitpicky thing... everything has an inspiration somewhere.

But now that I am older and I haven't written in this thing for so long, maybe it's time for me to get back into the habit of doing this... but at the same time, making a "husband handbook." I think it's time to draw that inspiration and talk about me...

Yes, I am different but isn't everyone? This is what I've learned while I've lived on this planet. I've made friends, lost friends, seen friends pass on, family members leave us, and going to funerals of friends you knew for a short time but became close because of something you did for them.

This is me. Here's my life.

From Pre-school to Pre-Kindergarten, the 2 on, 3 off, 3 on, 2 off thing was interesting. I always played with the number and letter blocks. I also was doing numbers that someone shouldn't even be saying until they're what? 7? I remember always being ahead of kids in reading. I got in trouble one day for mixing paints. I remember those little events with my pre-school/pre-kindergarten teacher and aide when we would hop into vans and watch these little fun events and plays. I can still remember them to this day because I feel like my brain is on fast forward. I remember snack time... Why I hated going to Good Friday Services and hearing the slam of the book... I remember the school picnics at the end of the year too... I remember when we'd go to the playground just down the road on Edmondson to hold our picnics.

Then we moved to Baltimore Highlands. Sitting in my uncle's very old white truck... Seeing that ugly insect on a piece of wood... Watching a house become a home...

In Kindergarten, I remember the days when my mom would set down my sandwich and drink in front of me while watching The Price is Right before my bus came to take me to Baltimore Highlands Elementary School in Kindergarten. I was also reminded of: "Put on your marshmallow shoes and zip your lips." I remember when my father would always walk up to my teacher and say: "How was he today." Mrs. Rudie would give a: "Ummm" answer... I don't know what my final score was... 73 wins to 107 losses probably?

I remember I prolonged conversation when Mrs. Rudie pulled my dad in to talk with him. Now was I trouble... I don't know... Here's what I learned: A second grade teacher named Mrs. Saverese came into the room and said: "Mr. Leuschner, your child is way ahead of all the kids." It was about 10 minutes long and my dad came out, tossed me in the car and said: "When did you learn how to read so quickly?"

There's the truth: Mrs. Saverese would pull me out of "work time" and take me in for reading... I was already reading chapter novels before everyone made complete sentences. I remember the first book I read to Mrs. Saverese... It was a book about fish. Our last session together (we had about 12 of them), Mrs. Saverese said to my dad: "He's reading at a college level. I think he has the ability to become a fantastic writer." I won't forget my dad's reaction when he looked at me. He nodded his head and said: "That's amazing work, Josh."

I also remember the trip to the farm with the 2 kindergartens combined and there was this one girl named Jessica who kept hitting on me. Girl, I'm 5 years old!!!! Go away. She liked me but I did not reciprocate those feelings. I didn't return to B.H.E.S. because it was time to go back to St. Paul.

My first grade teacher, Mrs. Robinson was someone really special. She cared about her flock. She also despised those times when we had to do memory because no one really studied all that much. We're first graders and our minds are still developing. You really think we're going to remember that? We learned the ten commandments, bible verses, and so on. I also remember the day we got "Highlights" and I never got the chance to read "Buddy Bear." I also remember being star 13 and Gabby Hadder constantly having illnesses. My best friend was Dianna Maurer. Here's something else: I wasn't winning at growing up. I never won that.

Mrs. Robinson was probably the best teacher I had because she never wanted to see anyone fail. Never. But another thing was that I was in a group of 3 kids who were ahead of the curb in reading. Mrs. Lilley...? Said I was incredibly far ahead of the tripartite which consisted of myself, Corinda, and Jenny.

My mind developed pretty fast, now didn't it.

Leaps and bounds came from 2nd and 3rd grade but my annus horribilis came in 4th grade.

Now cue the Northern Exposure theme... my 5th grade teacher was a fish out of water from Westchester, New York (Must've just gotten her Masters) by the name of Miss Amy Philbrick. I won't forget what Mrs. Karin said: "Norm hired her." One thing she was well known for was her courteousness and steadfastness. I remember a time when she put up a Venn diagram between her and her sister, Adele. I will not forget that. Adele was apparently the chatty one, Amy was the quiet one. Adele was the sports freak, Amy was the brainy one. I raised my hand and said: Ok, so what do you both have in common? I won't forget what Ms. Philbrick said: "We're there for each other when it's time to up the other up, which is what some of you need to do." Yeah, I won't forget the "homework strike" either because we were fed up with the excessive amount of homework we were getting... But yes, it was 5th grade, you were prepping for the next league, which was middle school.

I also remember the Friday nights when we would all go down to the school to pick up my mother and then head out to eat. How kids would be so excited to see my dad.

--

But I want to put a pause on the past and look at the present.

--

When I look at where my creativity, musings, and so on come together... I think about the person and persons who have had the most influence and inspiration.

Let's begin with my mother. My mother taught me everything I needed to know about life through discipline, child care, cooking, and her? Just being my mom. I remember it all began with my first day at a new school when I decided to go to Baltimore Highlands for Kindergarten. She set a cheese sandwich cut diagonally right in front of me and had the television on for me to watch "The Price is Right." She looked at me and said, I know this is going to be different for you but... let's make it work ok?

I agreed with her sentiments, but I didn't agree with what I was doing.

I learned a lot about child care from my mom as she took care of so many kids while she was enrichment director. I also understood that her job was demanding and when the lights went out, that meant: "Ok, everyone sit down, shut up, momma bear's about to talk." But that was the way she did things. Flash forward and learning later that so many kids cited my mom as a huge influence to where they are today. Whenever mom started with: "Ok, everyone, listen up..." That meant someone did something that they shouldn't have.

Mom knew how to drive the point home and it worked so well.

My mom taught all three of us how to cook and clean except it seemed to be my mom doing all the cleaning... Well I woke up one day and I started fending for myself more. Doing my own shopping, taking $100 with me to the grocery store for stuff I wanted. Cleaning my own room and keeping it clean. I took that with me into the future into my own home too. I don't think I like messes anymore thanks to my mom's know-how and direction. I'm trying my best to develop concepts and so on. I get 25% of my creativity from my mother, I'd say. I think I even developed my mom's penmanship because I sure as hell didn't get it from my dad. I'd always say to my mom: "That's my sports signature." Another piece was singing. My mom was a fantastic singer for the choir and definitely had a love for Handel's Messiah and still does.

Who wouldn't cite my mom as a good influence?

Let me turn to my father. My father wasn't an outdoorsy kind of guy who wanted to go hunting and fishing. He prefers video games, shoot 'em ups, good television, and so on. My dad also could cook, clean, do most of the driving to places, and so on. My dad preferred ball games as opposed to going out a fishing rod and sitting on the dock of a river waiting for a bite. I give my dad the credit for driving home my love of sports and numbers. I remember a time when we went somewhere (Now I don't remember where but my dad was watching a football game and taking notes) and we watched the Los Angeles Raiders play against the Oilers. I also remember the sesame street tapes too... Hmmm... Where in God's name did we go?

My dad took me to cub scouts... where I learned about the bond between father and son. My dad was an adult leader. He also did a lot of ironing work and stuff for the uniforms too.

I also remember the time I had the flu and we had the winter jamboree... Even though I was running at only 40%, dad praised me for getting through it with a lot of poise, especially in the snowshoe competition where we finished with the fastest time and broke the winter jamboree record. I also helped put flags on the graves of those who died in wars. I met zero new cub scouts while I was there. But then again, my mom loved her men in uniform (Matt, myself, and dad).

My dad also indicated to my mother that I was not handy and that's a true point. I can't fix things. I don't know how to fix a car, work a power saw... nothing.

--

When I started writing short novellas and stories to pass the time, I ultimately give the creativity portion to everyone I've known over my time here on Earth. Funny thing is that when you think about it: Nothing ever truly makes sense. You got to make sense of it yourself to give yourself that sense of thought.

Yes, Creativity comes from those around you and it's all around you.

I've also learned that over time, you lose friends, the space in your life becomes emptier, life becomes busier, there's not enough time for you any more, but life continues on even without someone in it. I learned this well in 2017 when I lost 3 family members and 2 friends.

Another thing that I am learning is that work is just that... work. From 2006 to now, I'm there to make money and not make friends. I've personally had it with being nice to people only to find out they are scumbags. I've done given up on trying to be cool with co-workers but... I am at the point where it's fruitless.

Again, taking that creativity I found and putting it into writing. I would love to take what I have in mind and make a "Healthy, Handy Husband Handbook." A small pamphlet on how to be a good husband and do the right things because men cooking and cleaning is very masculine and shows that they can do these things too provided you have the right influences in life.

--

Well, this is my life how I learned, remember, know, and continue it... Nothing's making sense any more, but that's the way I want it right now.

10/21: Wiped Out in Walkersville

Hello,

Recent events have left me wondering why 2017 has been so utterly devastating to me, my family, and beyond. Those recent events have basically made me feel like I've gone 15 rounds with Muhammad Ali... I'm still wondering how I get up from all of it?

I got up in the morning and I took the four stooges: Courtney (Moe), Becca (Curly), Chelsea (Shemp), and Joanna (Larry). I was waiting for Courtney to do some eye pokes and some: "Shuddaps..." But nah, they were talking about the future of E.D. medicines and talking girl stuff. I went into my little spiel and how I scared off some Jehovah's Witnesses while Joanna got a box of Joe from Dunkin. Then I joined in with: "Oh I love it when you girls do your estrogen humor, heh heh heh heh."

After I took the girls there and got thank yous from the bridesmaids... I took myself to the gym which... I'll tell you, I wasn't impressed with this particular anytime fitness because most of the stuff was outdated.

I got done and left quietly.

After grabbing lunch at the local Sheetz, I went back to the hotel room and that's how I found out about the demise of my grandmother. Time of death wasn't 11:59 as I originally thought, it was 10:57, but the coroner marked it as 12:00 noon.

At that point, I said to myself: What do I do? Do I leave Frederick and just sit there... or do I just stay, put a brave face/smile on, and go to the wedding? I chose the latter.

Catherine Voss was the first one to greet me, now I couldn't remember where I remembered her from but then it hit me. She kept me in line most of the ceremony seeing if I was ok or not because she definitely could feel I was really heartbroken and definitely not well. After the ceremony was over, I went to grab a tonic water and waited for Joanna. She asked me if I was ok, I said: "Jo, I am not ok. I wish I was but I am not."

It was our half-time break and I watched the bride and the bridesmaids take pictures along with the groom as well... I saw John's sister Lacey and gave her a really huge hug and told her she looked great. I met her boyfriend who accidentally called me his own name... I said: Tim, I've been called lots of things... but that took the cake. Lacey looked at me and said: "Just hang in there ok?" I said: "I am doing just that."

As the night wore on, I took a minute and hit pause on everything... you know... just put everything on stop. I took one good look at my surroundings and said: I'm lucky to be here... I don't feel like I earned it, but I did....

Darkness fell... Courtney's friend Becca and I had a talk while we took a break from the festivities and her sister as well. She flashed me a smile and told me how she felt when her grandparents died too. She said: "Josh, you are doing a great job... A really great job keeping a smile on your face through all this... you've had a rough go."

I went back to the reception... had a few more club sodas, danced with Joanna and Chelsea. Chelsea said: "Josh, Joanna picked an amazing guy who's her husband..." I said: "What husband? Where husband?" Trying to joke. She said: "You!"

Hard to crack jokes... Hard to do a lot of things...When you are crying on the inside knowing that a lot of the stuff from your childhood are pretty much over with.

Courtney was worried and thinking I wasn't going to have an easy go at the table. But I did alright, everyone had a bunch of laughs from me... I think we probably had one of the best tables there... Gavin and I had a lot of laughs... He said: Dude, you're alright! I didn't get to talk to Ashley and her friend that much but... I managed to say hi and talk to her.

I tried to have fun... but to me, it felt like I was putting on an act, and seemingly, I was.

I succeeded and many people understood.

--

Personally for me, losing mom-mom was about as damaging as it got. There will be no more Friday night pizza nights... no Christmases at her home... no nothing... it's all over... Death comes with life and that's the territory.

--

Becca, The Voss Twins, Mallory, Chelsea, Lacey, and Emily definitely get my weekend warrior medals. Good words helped me through... the hugs.. everything...

Courtney and John, thanks for understanding that while yes, I was extremely happy for you both, I was really wrecked inside and I didn't know what to do with myself. I'm really grateful to the both of you for inviting me to the wedding and thankfully, I got through it without shedding a tear.

--

Knowing what I know now, the hard part is over with... Now I am just ready to go on with life... knowing that my mom-mom is there in spirit... she's up there with pop-pop having a good time and probably starting arguments again. God will probably say: "Hey Hey Hey! Not in this house!"

--

We got more to come... Nashville, Another Wedding, the Holidays will be upon us, and then 2018. But for now, let's kind of slow down and take it easy.

We will miss you, Pop Pop

Dear Pop Pop,

I knew you for 30 years and in those 30 years, you've seen grow up from little tike, to high school graduate, to Federal Worker. I remember the days that we'd always come over for Christmas and enjoy getting together for food, laughter, and watching a special or two on television. I've been missing those days a lot.

Pop Pop, when I was little and was interested in meteorology, well you always got mad when I turned on the weather channel...

I remember the days you bought stuff for us... just because you wanted to see us smile

I remember the days you bought shoes... just because.

I remember the day you took us all to see a movie... just because you wanted to see us smile

I remember the day you took me to Ruby Tuesday at Marley Station and took me for a walk around the mall... just because you wanted to have a little time with your grandson...

I remember the days when you and mom mom would argue and the three of us would just laugh our butts off because the argument was so stupid... then you'd say: "WHAT ARE YOU THREE LAUGHING AT!?"

I remember when you helped me build my school project...

I remember those days we came and visited to just... sit and talk...

I remember the days we came over for Friday night Pizza from Rocco's...

But I want you to remember me the way you want me to remember you...

This big tall man who used quips like: "What do you want, a fat lip?"

When I found out you were getting sick... and... mom told us all... it was sad to see that your mind was wasting away due to this deadly disease.

I remember the day I had to watch you when you were going through the beginning stages of your dementia and you were asking me who was playing during the college football game. I said: Eastern Tennessee State University and Fordham. You said: Fordham, they don't call them the Rams for nothing.

I said: That's right, you remembered.

As I continued to watch the football game, you dozed off, and mom came back saying: "He ok?"

I said: "Mom, He at least remembered who Fordham was."

I remember when my wedding came around and you guys couldn't come because you both weren't doing well. I was upset and I knew you guys wanted to see your last grandson officially take on the ultimate step of being a man, which is marriage. You guys took to Joanna very well. You looked at all the pictures and said: Who are they? Who is this? Is that you?

In my head, I knew you were getting worse.

2017 has been a very unforgiving year for me but also our family. While there has been excitement when it comes to travel and seeing some of the great places around the nation, it has been tough to be excited about it with you having been ill and not functioning well. I think my in-laws and wife's family understand that all of us did still have tight bond.

I only wish I could've said good the right way... unfortunately, I wasn't able to. I'm really sorry.

Now that you are up with God in heaven, I hope you're not badgering him with all these questions... but I know you probably are. :). I just want you to remember us the way we remember you.

I'm sure you're probably saying: "Hey God, take a look for a minute, those are my grandchildren down there, One's a successful contractor, the other's a chef, and the youngest is keeping us safe."

God probably said: "I see them all the time, they're going to do good things in life."

I hope you are at peace.